All my stages are out of order.

I had my third weigh in on Sunday morning, and I was surprised to see not only a lack of weight loss but in fact weight GAIN. Only a few ounces, mind you, but gain all the same. After surprise, there was acceptance: plateaus happen. After acceptance, there was anger! Plateaus don’t happen after two weeks! An entire week, wasted! How is it I have so much fat for my body to burn now that it’s getting less carbohydrates, and yet it’s not doing that?

After anger, I got depressed. I really want this to work because I don’t think I’d have very much success on the other plans I’ve heard about. I want this to work because I’ve committed to it. I want this to work because it seems like it SHOULD work. But here I am, getting yo-yo results on a very steady and controlled plan. On top of that, my newest monthly order was just shipped so I’m financially committed to this for at LEAST another 5 weeks.

After depression, I became resolved to go HARD on my 100% On Plan promise. I don’t do many things that are off plan, but clearly something is effecting my results. I’m going to contact Nutritional Support (NS) and provide some details on my daily micro-nutrient totals as well as the condiments I’ve been using to see if any of them are the issue.

Last but not least, I’ve decided to weigh myself every morning now, instead of once a week. I think weighing in once a week is good for people who have lots of fluctuations that are inaccurate of the end goal – and are discouraged by those fluctuations. However, I don’t know if I’m one of those people, and waiting once a week to discover I didn’t lose anything is wildly anti-climatic. Already I’m glad I made that decision, because when I weighed myself this morning I had lost nearly two pounds since yesterday 😀

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The History of Fat

My mother tells me that when I was a kid I would never sit down and eat a whole meal and appeared thin as a rail until puberty. My memory tells me that as soon as I hit puberty I developed hips and breasts almost over night and was overweight from that point forward. I was destined, I suppose. My mother was full figured – but she was tall and leggy so she was able to pull it off. I haven’t registered anything higher than 5 foot 2 since I bought what my friend called “stripper heels” that was on sale at Macys.

Nutrisystem-logo

When I was 23 years old I had a well paying job and some disposable income so I started Nutrisystem. I was successful too! Without any responsibilities or distractions other than my 8-5 job, I was able to easily fit in exercise every day and stay far away from temptation. Within two months I went from a firm (remember this description!)  size 16 to a soft size 10… okay 12 if I was shopping in a store that didn’t submit to vanity sizing. I was doing GOOD. With my new found confidence I began to date! I fell in love and within two years we were married, and within two and a half years of that we had our first child. Between dating and pregnancy I had gained back all of the weight I had loss – but I was newly married and neither of us cared. I was still “firm” – and so it didn’t seem all that bad.

After giving birth, I didn’t stress about my weight loss until over a year later. I was prepared for the stretch marks – I was NOT prepared for the post-pregnancy fanny pack. Even after getting back to my pre-pregancy weight, I couldn’t fit well into my clothing because I had loss all my firmness. That was hard for me to accept and soon fell back on what worked previously to lose weight and gain confidence: Nutrisystem. But this time, I wasn’t so successful. Now I had a family to support financially so the food seemed too expensive. I couldn’t avoid temptation as I couldn’t avoid my family. I couldn’t find time to exercise between being a new mom and working full time. And the food didn’t taste nearly as good. I found a lot of excuses – and I kept the weight for another year or so.

I can’t really say what happened that made everything work, but something happened in 2011 that eliminated my excuses. Perhaps it was my child getting older and more independent. Perhaps it was my husband’s hours getting cut. Perhaps I was just SICK and TIRED and more DETERMINED.

I joined a dieting website called My Food Diary which was very instrumental in helping me track my food as well as motivate me in simple ways. After I had the proper diet down I added cardio and kept losing and feeling great. After cardio I added weight training and that’s where I plateaued at size 12 again. I was hoping for these knock-out results with the weight training (which was HARD and EVERY DAY) and when I didn’t get those I slowly began to get discouraged and give up.

I became pregnant in early 2012 and of course all thoughts of eating right and exercising flew out the window. When I gave birth in 2013 I was nearly bedridden (funny things happen to your body when you’re pregnant) and spent the next year recuperating.

Which brings us to today! I’m still dealing with painful issues from pregnancy (sciatic nerve pain and pelvic girdle pain) but I REFUSE to keep feeling so terrible about myself in clothing. I can’t seem to find clothing that fits and I’m going bankrupt trying. Nothing is comfortable and when I look in the mirror I want to shatter it. Not a good thing when I’m trying desperately to pass on good body image ideas and healthy lifestyle choices to my children.

So, to recap my starting (8/24/2014) point:

  • I never learned to cook
  • I’ve always been overweight
  • I like instant gratification
  • I have a lot of pain in my lower body
  • I’M VERY UNHAPPY